I Know What to Do, Why Can't I make Myself Do It?

This week I had the opportunity to coach a medical professional in her 30s who is settling into her job in primary care. Her work naturally involves preventive care and advising patients about lifestyle change.

Intellectually, she knows what to say to her patients.

But internally, she struggles to reconcile what she's telling them with what she actually practices in her own life.

Over the time we have worked together, she has figured out how to stay on track with her nutrition. Most days, she meets the goals we've set for her. She has also reduced the random snacking that often turned into binge eating.

 But the one thing she hasn't figured out is incorporating movement and exercise into her day.

 She tells me she gets up at 5 a.m., but says she's a slow starter and likes taking her time in the morning. Before she knows it, it's time to get ready for work. By the end of the day, she's exhausted and doesn't have the bandwidth to even think about exercise.

And in her mind, exercise means finding at least an hour and a half to get ready, go to the gym, work out, and come home.

 Another person I've coached struggles with eating well, let alone finding time to meal prep. She's an executive. She's in meetings, making decisions and putting out fires all day.

She tries to make good choices at the cafeteria or at restaurants. But by the end of a day filled with constant decisions, she's still left with one more:

What am I going to eat?

 And an exhausted brain naturally gravitates toward something easy and pleasurable.

Burger and fries, anyone?

 I find myself identifying with both of them.

Years ago, I was in that same familiar boat. I saw patients all day, hardly found time to eat well, and was too exhausted at the end of the day to cook, let alone exercise.

So we ate out quite a bit.

 I also had an all-or-nothing mentality about exercise. If I wasn't spending hours at the gym, surely it didn't count.

And yet I knew better.

That's the part I want to talk about.

Because when you're a medical professional, knowing what to do can actually become part of the problem, because we tend to weaponize this against ourselves.

 We know that exercise is important; what constitutes a reasonably healthy meal. We know we should sleep more, manage our stress, eat more vegetables, get enough protein, and stop mindlessly snacking after a long day. Etcetera, etcetera...

We may spend our entire workday telling other people these things. So when we struggle to do them ourselves, along comes the guilt, the self-blame and then despair.

I know what to do. Why can't I just make myself do it?

Maybe I need more discipline. Maybe I need to get more motivated. Maybe I just need to try harder.

However...

Knowing What to Do Is Not the Same as Having the Capacity to Do It

This was one of the biggest shifts in how I began thinking about my own health.

I didn't need someone telling me to move more, eat less. And I certainly didn't need someone to tell me that eating at home was probably better than eating restaurant food several nights a week. I knew that. 

What I was not aware of was the environment in which I was asking myself to make those choices.

A full day of caring for patients. Decision after decision. Stress. Mental fatigue. An empty stomach. And then a human mind that wanted the easiest path to feeling better! 

And so to expect an exhausted brain to enthusiastically choose meal prep and a trip to the gym was not happening! Therefore the resolute person at 8AM who had all the good intention, is no longer the same person at 5pm, and is replaced by someone who would choose the path of least resistance!

 When this happens, I made it mean something about me. My flaws. That maybe I was lazy; I don't have it me; I can't get it together; I'm an impostor. And after a series of negative self-talk like that, guess what happens? Stress-eating, that's what! And the cycle starts over again.

 Eventually I began to see the problem differently.

 The question wasn't, “Why can't I make myself do what I know I should do?”

 A much more useful question was:

 “What is making the healthy choice so difficult to make in my actual life?”

That is a very different question.

Because now we're problem solving and not looking for a character flaw. Like the scientists that we are, we're now looking for a pattern. The good news is that patterns can be changed.

And this is where I think we need to talk about the brain and our natural instincts. Our brains like efficiency. We naturally gravitate toward choices that feel rewarding, require less effort, and give us relief...especially when we're already tired or stressed.

Of course your brain wants to sit on the couch after a long day. The couch feels cozy and delicious! Of course it doesn't want to go to the gym. Especially when, in your mind, “going to the gym” means changing clothes, driving there, working out for an hour, driving home, showering...that sounds exhausting just thinking about it.

And naturally, the drive-through sounds pretty good when you're hungry and mentally spent. It's fast. It's easy. And you already know it's going to taste good! (with all the trans-fats and the salt! LOL!) 

None of these choices are particularly mysterious when you look at them this way.

Your brain is not interested in:

“Which choice will best support my metabolic health six months from now?”

At the end of a long, stressful day, it's much more interested in:

 “What will make things easier right now?”

 Understanding this can shift us from self-blame to self-compassion.

 Instead of asking, “What is wrong with me? Why can't I just do what I know I should do?”

We can start asking:

 “What's one good decision that's available to me right now?”

 This question is powerful, cos the same powerful brain can then go into problem solving mode.

 So for my 30-something primary care clinician, when I asked her how could this be easier, she volunteered that maybe instead of a trip to the gym, devote 20-30 minutes of walking before she goes home from work. And we'll call that a win for now.

 And for my high-level executive, how could she have less decision fatigue when it comes to food choices during the work week? She decided that now that the kids are grown and in college, that her weekends are free and can meal prep for the week.

 And it came from a simple shift of "what's wrong with me?" to "what's possible considering my circumstances?"

What If You Don't Need to Try Harder?

Maybe you're reading this and thinking about your own version of this.

The gym membership that has yet to be used, The healthy recipes that you saved from Tiktok that remains just that. 

The drive-through on the way home because after a full day of taking care of patients, attending meetings, making decisions and solving everyone else's problems, you simply don't have much bandwidth left.

You know what to do.

However stress, exhaustion and decision fatigue change the choices that feel available to us in the moment. And when we keep expecting ourselves to overcome all of that with more discipline and willpower, we can easily end up in a cycle of trying harder, falling off, blaming ourselves and starting over.

So instead of asking:

“What's wrong with me?”

Try asking:

“What's possible for me at this moment?"

How can I make this easier?”

Maybe it's a 20-minute walk instead of an hour at the gym.

Maybe it's setting your morning up for success with easy high protein repeatable breakfasts. (click here!) 

Maybe it's preparing a few meals ahead of time so your exhausted Wednesday-night brain doesn't have to make another decision.

Maybe it's simply noticing the moment when stress sends you looking for something quick and comforting.

Small shifts count.

And sometimes the first shift is simply recognizing the pattern.

Start With Your Stress-Weight Pattern

If you've noticed that stress, exhaustion and food seem to be tangled together for you, I created the Stress-Weight Reset Workbook to help you take that first step.

You'll identify your own stress-weight cycle, recognize some of the triggers that send you into autopilot, and learn a simple 3-step process to begin interrupting the pattern.

Because you probably don't need more information about what you should be doing.

You need strategies that work in the life you're actually living.

Get your free Stress-Weight Reset Workbook here 

And if you're reading this thinking, I know my patterns. I'm ready for more individualized help changing them, that's the work I do through one-on-one coaching.

We look at what's getting in the way, what's happening with your metabolic health, and how to create changes that actually fit your life.

Not perfect.

Not all-or-nothing.

Just small, intentional shifts that you can actually sustain.

If you're ready to explore what that could look like for you, schedule a discovery call with me → click book a call! 

Disclaimer: Lea Famularcano, MD, is a physician and health and wellness coach. The information provided on this website is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Dr. Famularcano is not acting as your physician, and use of this website does not establish a physician-patient relationship. Always consult your own physician or other qualified healthcare professional regarding your individual health needs and before making changes to your medical care.